DissKO is in pre-season: the arena opens soon, and preview battles are up now. Get first in line

PC vs Console AI Rap Battle #1: PC Master Race vs Console Couch

PC Master Race

Frame Rate

Console Couch

Couch Co-op

Preview cut: a sample battle with AI-written lyrics, a simple beat and an animated MC. Lip-synced video and real players arrive when the arena opens.

I plug it in, I sit down, the game is on

Round 1 · Couch Co-op for Console Couch

Round 1 — Couch Co-op for Console Couch
Take: “I plug it in, my friends grab a controller, and we're playing while the PC guy is still updating drivers.”
I plug it in, I sit down, the game is on
You've been updating drivers since the crack of dawn
My friends pile on the sofa with a bag of chips
You're all alone, adjusting shadows with your fingertips
You own a lit up tower like a carnival ride
A rainbow in a glass box, and no friends inside
Your gaming is a spreadsheet, every setting's been assessed
You spent the weekend benchmarking and played nothing but the test
Round 1 — Frame Rate for PC Master Race
Take: “Those benchmarks are how I get 240 frames, she plugs it in and sits through a forced update anyway.”
Yeah I ran the test, and I aced it, read the chart
Two forty frames a second, call it science, call it art
You plug it in, sit down, then the screen says please wait
Forced update, forty gigs, and your friends go home at eight
One store, one price, you're renting online for a fee
I got a sale so deep that the game was nearly free
You call it thirty frames of cinematic, smooth and slow
That's a slideshow with a health bar and a sofa, bro
Round 2 — Couch Co-op for Console Couch
Take: “Who cares about 240 frames when you spent all night fixing a crash and your friends went to bed?”
Two forty frames of what, your black screen of despair?
You've got the smoothest error message running anywhere
A hundred games on sale, and you've finished maybe two
Your backlog has a backlog, and it's got a backlog too
Forced update, sure, I grab a sandwich while it's done
You're on page nine of some old forum, asking everyone
Best machine on the block, and nobody's in the room
Your only player two's a fan that's going vroom
Round 2 — Frame Rate for PC Master Race
Take: “My player two is online from anywhere, she pays a subscription just to use her own internet.”
My player two's on three continents, and he's online
I don't pay a monthly toll to use a wire that's mine
Your couch co-op's half a TV and a lap of nacho crumbs
Your left stick starts to wander every time the boss fight comes
My backlog is a treasure chest, and mods keep it alive
I put a talking dragon in a game from ninety-five
In seven years your locked box is a doorstop with a fan
Game over, insert money, that's the whole console plan
Round 3 — Couch Co-op for Console Couch
Take: “Insert money? One graphics card costs more than my console, my TV and the couch I'm sitting on.”
Insert money, that's real rich from a guy with liquid cooling
That card cost more than my whole couch, who are you fooling
My doorstop plays the new game on the day it's out
You're compiling shaders, that's what your launch night's about
Three launchers and two logins just to start a single game
One password reset later and you've forgot the game's name
All that glow and all that power, twelve buttons on your mouse
The only boss you fought tonight was the breaker in your house
Round 3 — Frame Rate for PC Master Race
Take: “Mouse and keyboard beat a thumbstick any day, her aim assist is doing all the work.”
Twelve buttons on my mouse and every one's a kill
You need aim assist to hit a barn door standing still
I tripped a breaker once, that's power, that's the cost
Your drive fits one big shooter, and the others all get lost
Three launchers, fine, but every one of them is stacked
You don't own a thing, your shelf's a license, that's a fact
Pass that second controller, friend, you'll need it for this fight
At thirty frames you won't see you lost until tomorrow night